Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize