you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
