when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
