So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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