D3 body, D1 cock
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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