wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
