It's just like the Real World with babies
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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