So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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