I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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