gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
