We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
