I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
