So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
