my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
