I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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