I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How does it feel to date your dad?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
