at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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