I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
