I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
