I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
