blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Boobs speak an international language.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
