I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
