Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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