He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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