Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
