I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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