and you said cock pushups were impossible
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
