If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
