That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
