Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
