I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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