Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
