he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
