I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The air taste purple.
Randomize
