my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
