i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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