11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sarcasm needs its own font
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
