good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
