i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
