I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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