i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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