The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
