And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
