I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
