i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
