I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
