I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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