If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
