I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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