There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
