Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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