So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
