OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
