even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
