My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
