I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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