last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
