dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
