I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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