Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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