Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
