he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
