I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
