She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
