I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
