I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
